Friday, July 27, 2012

Sandcastles

My counselor told me that it may be a good idea to write this out. A way to get all the bitterness out and so I can let go and move on. Cuz I won't lie it is a little hard to just move on but this certainly has helped. Hey, I'm human right? Oh...and no offense to anyone with neck tattoos, I'm just a little bitter.

Kick down this sandcastle
That I built for two
And watch me as I try to hop
These barrels.

See she was too hot to handle,
A pretty little thing
Who shoots me down in flames
Like moths and candles.

Here’s a confession;
I never was any good at picking
The women I choose
To let in my life

My counselor thinks
It’s self destructive
And, shit, my last relationship
Kinda proves her right.

But like what makes a person
Change their minds
Almost over night
About how they feel?

I can never get it right,
I can never get it right?
But what am I supposed to do
With how I feel?

Shit, our first date was kinda funny;
See I have this nervous habit
Of talking fast

Like, “Love sucks
And I’ll curse a little bit
But the first to admit
That I’m love struck”.

I’m just a skinny dude
With a rotten past
But she had also a nervous habit
Of picking at scabs.

She picked at her finger
Till it trailed blood
So we made her a makeshift Band-Aid
That just didn’t last.

Maybe that’s all I was,
Just a new scab
For her to pick
Just a new scab
For her to pick

But I’m all picked out
And when it’s a full moon,
She gets cursed and sick.

Far from a phoenix
More like a coloured buzzard right?
She was a lycanthrope
With nails that can slice through rope

Slice my throat
She-Wolf of Winchester
It’s why God gave you them claws
Don’t be shy

Don’t use them sparingly
Stick them in my flesh
It’s why God gave you
Them talons.

And I was honestly
Going to stay tight lipped
About us but that’s not why
God gave me this talent.

When she went away
To get help,
I wrote her
Twice a week for eight months
But I never heard back.

Put my feelings to the side,
Never again
Her happiness is more important
Never again
But Facebook told me that

You have a new man now
A tall pale dude
With neck tattoos
Looking like he just stepped out a grave

But seriously, neck tattoos?
Who the fuck gets neck tattoos?
Guess I’m out of the game.

And he always gives me glares,
Tell him he don’t want none of this
I’m taking boxing now
I swear.

I swear this isn’t an attack…
Okay, maybe it is
And I do apologize
For our affair.

Cuz it never was a relationship,
It was a codependency
I know that now.

I hang with the fallen angels,
Yeah, I know that crowd.
Heart sounds like broken eggs,
Yeah, I know that sound.

But if it weren’t for my friends,
Then I probably wouldn’t be here.
If it weren’t for my music,
Then I probably wouldn’t be here.

If it weren’t for my poetry,
Then I probably wouldn’t be here.
But if it were up to you,
Then I probably wouldn’t be here.

Okay, that may be too much guilt
To put on you
That’s on me

But still, here’s my fuck offs:
Fuck my ex girlfriend
Fuck her new boyfriend
Fuck these emotions

Fuck these wrong choices
But most of all,
Fuck the fuck
That wrote this.

But this last fuck off,
Is a special fuck off
A “dedicated to you” fuck off
But not like a, “You fuck off”

But like a, “Let’s do a fuck off”.
So on the count of three
Repeat after me,

“Fuck any ex that made me feel this way
Fuck any ex that makes me feel like a mistake
I deserve better”.

It’s like after she took my virginity,
She was gone.
That’s it,
End of story.

I’m sorry,
This ain’t an attack
But like my friend Kim said,

I believe in love,
I just no longer believe
It’s even for me.
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