Sandcastles

My counselor told me that it may be a good idea to write this out. A way to get all the bitterness out and so I can let go and move on. Cuz I won't lie it is a little hard to just move on but this certainly has helped. Hey, I'm human right? Oh...and no offense to anyone with neck tattoos, I'm just a little bitter.

Kick down this sandcastle

That I built for two

And watch me as I try to hop

These barrels.

See she was too hot to handle,

A pretty little thing

Who shoots me down in flames

Like moths and candles.

Here’s a confession;

I never was any good at picking

The women I choose

To let in my life

My counselor thinks

It’s self destructive

And, shit, my last relationship

Kinda proves her right.

But like what makes a person

Change their minds

Almost over night

About how they feel?

I can never get it right,

I can never get it right?

But what am I supposed to do

With how I feel?

Shit, our first date was kinda funny;

See I have this nervous habit

Of talking fast

Like, “Love sucks

And I’ll curse a little bit

But the first to admit

That I’m love struck”.

I’m just a skinny dude

With a rotten past

But she had also a nervous habit

Of picking at scabs.

She picked at her finger

Till it trailed blood

So we made her a makeshift Band-Aid

That just didn’t last.

Maybe that’s all I was,

Just a new scab

For her to pick

Just a new scab

For her to pick

But I’m all picked out

And when it’s a full moon,

She gets cursed and sick.

Far from a phoenix

More like a coloured buzzard right?

She was a lycanthrope

With nails that can slice through rope

Slice my throat

She-Wolf of Winchester

It’s why God gave you them claws

Don’t be shy

Don’t use them sparingly

Stick them in my flesh

It’s why God gave you

Them talons.

And I was honestly

Going to stay tight lipped

About us but that’s not why

God gave me this talent.

When she went away

To get help,

I wrote her

Twice a week for eight months

But I never heard back.

Put my feelings to the side,

Never again

Her happiness is more important

Never again

But Facebook told me that

You have a new man now

A tall pale dude

With neck tattoos

Looking like he just stepped out a grave

But seriously, neck tattoos?

Who the fuck gets neck tattoos?

Guess I’m out of the game.

And he always gives me glares,

Tell him he don’t want none of this

I’m taking boxing now

I swear.

I swear this isn’t an attack…

Okay, maybe it is

And I do apologize

For our affair.

Cuz it never was a relationship,

It was a codependency

I know that now.

I hang with the fallen angels,

Yeah, I know that crowd.

Heart sounds like broken eggs,

Yeah, I know that sound.

But if it weren’t for my friends,

Then I probably wouldn’t be here.

If it weren’t for my music,

Then I probably wouldn’t be here.

If it weren’t for my poetry,

Then I probably wouldn’t be here.

But if it were up to you,

Then I probably wouldn’t be here.

Okay, that may be too much guilt

To put on you

That’s on me

But still, here’s my fuck offs:

Fuck my ex girlfriend

Fuck her new boyfriend

Fuck these emotions

Fuck these wrong choices

But most of all,

Fuck the fuck

That wrote this.

But this last fuck off,

Is a special fuck off

A “dedicated to you” fuck off

But not like a, “You fuck off”

But like a, “Let’s do a fuck off”.

So on the count of three

Repeat after me,

“Fuck any ex that made me feel this way

Fuck any ex that makes me feel like a mistake

I deserve better”.

It’s like after she took my virginity,

She was gone.

That’s it,

End of story.

I’m sorry,

This ain’t an attack

But like my friend Kim said,

I believe in love,

I just no longer believe

It’s even for me.

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Sunshine And Lollipops

So here's another about heart break, brought to you by me.

Sunshine, lollipops

And rainbows,

Everything that’s wonderful

Is how I feel when we’re together.

I can hear luck laughin’

I used to be optimistic…..

What the fuck happened?

Stuck in this life

Without a buck or a bite

Stuck and I’m like

“What the fuck happened?”

There’s a hole in the dam!

But tell me who’s gonna care?

Not the dudes with affairs

Or this loser who stares

With a full head of hair

Whose stupid and losin’ his cares

Damn, I hate boyfriends,

So here’s another about heart break

Brought to you by me

But often, you see,

I lie through my teeth

And it’s really causing me grief.

Silly us,

Let’s get serious

And I apologise

If you hear me cuss

But really just,

It’s really just

And I’m feeling accustomed

To searing puss.

Black ink for red blood:

I put all the words that burn

And hurt the worst

In verse, I thirst

And give birth to inverse

Quirks with no perks

Either that or

Whatever works.

I’m a non-composed fool,

Falling for women

I know I’m not supposed to.

I'll write it in notes too,

Sitting atop a toadstool

Like all the gnomes do

With thoughts like,

“Don’t let’em control you,

You old fool,

You so lose.”

Now picture that.

Giving 

But not giving back,

Just picture that,

I come spiraling down

Like a ziggurat.

Just picture that,

Bipolar like,

“I’m glad I’m alive

And I wish I were dead”.

But the wishes were spent

On vicious regret

Wishin’ you could

Push in reset.

Black ink for white lies:

See, a vulture

Isn’t supposed

To bag himself a phoenix

So pack your self esteem and

Put it past your feelings

The past is appealing

But it’ll never come again

So instead

I’ll play death

At a game of chess.

Take your bets

And wait for breath

But I’m just a major pest

With no way to vent.

Designed to fail,

I wish I never took a peak

Behind that veil

What I found was Hell.

I’m still trying to define myself,

Maybe it’s best I’m on my own

I’ll still resign to

Welts, blistered feet,

And calloused hands

Make up this callous man

Whose morale is damned.

Imbalanced and

I can admit this,

Hell, I could never

Lie to the audience.

I’m an emotional cripple

Take me in my sleep

Apnea and cough syrup

A lost spirit

Who got lyrics

And robbed purists

Like lost tourists.

So, what’s my aim then?

Who to blame then?

In this play pen

When this pain ends?

Make sense?

I could explain

If you give me a second.

In return, I’ll let you take ten.

Why wait?

Just seal my fate

But careful while doing so,

I just may feint.

I’ve been asked why my poems

Are so depressing.

I responded with a

“Life aint full of

Sunshine, lollipops

And rainbows,

Everything that’s wonderful

Is how I feel when we’re together."

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My Faults

We all have that moment in time were we wonder if we're on the right path.

Pull my hair;

Kick me while I’m down

Ignore me when I come around,

Apollo don’t exist.

Kick dirt in my eyes

And follow with a fist

I swallow all the shit

And bottle all of this

And wear it as cheap cologne.

The seeds were sown

And were fertilized

By this corpse who bleeds alone

Deceit was shown

Towards this sorry sack of flesh

With leaky bones

Who feeds on poems.

The feast was on!

See this vagabond’s

A bag of bones

Teetering

Like he’s way too cool.

Damn it all;

Whether east,

West,

North,

Or south

The broken compass reads,

“Either way you’re screwed”.

So I’m pacin’ in this maze of faces

Chasin’ patience this phase

Of basics, basis base is 
Where I stray and

Face it,

I know defeat,

Right down to how

It tasted.

Taste it

But never drink the Kool-Aid,

Apollo’s never loving them cults

Imperfect,

From my breath to my pulse

See allow me to reveal some of my faults.

I’m narcissistic, pessimistic,

And, really,

Any kind of “istic”

You can think of

Realistic,

A pleading misfit

Left out in the sun to dry

Or at least till I stink up.

A commitaphobe with issues

Of abandonment

I’m shocked

I haven’t panicked yet

Stonefaced like

A mannequin

With no advantages

And cuts with no bandages.

See us poets?

We bleed

For you,

Hang and crucify

Ourselves,

For you,

And I speak

The truth

But really,

There wouldn’t be an “us”

Without a crowd

So what we really need

Is you.

So here, this heart is yours

But these scars are mine

And they’re hard to hide

And I’m mortified

Over analyzing

All my issues,

I labeled them

And called it life.

I go through it

With an empty stomach

And a full bladder

It won’t matter

Till you bite the bullet

And it goes scattered

In the gut

Of the most addled.

But this yellow brick road,

Turned black

With thoughts telling me

To turn back from this cursed path.

Pretending like

I ain’t heard that

Chasing my own tail

With a hurt back and burnt fat.

Left snagged in the web

Of a black widow,

She owned a head wrap

And a swollen abdomen

God looking at me

Like “You just had to win”,

I count to ten and pick up

My ego but it was a counterfeit.

I don’t fit in,

Nah, not in this scene

Spitting it in double time

Like:

Gotta get in where you fit in

But the battle’s hard

Been thinkin’ of quittin’

And I’m battle scarred.

Or maybe I do fit,

Blame it on my

Outcastic nature

My issues are major

Questioning my existence,

I blame the God

That made ya,

I lost that wager.

The pointless person,

Like a lobotomized Batman,

Or a paraplegic Flash

An arachnophobic Spider man,

A Superman that’s afraid of heights

Not made to last.

So I’ll bottle all of this

And swallow all the shit

With dirt in my eyes

Followed by a fist

Pull my hair;

Kick me while I’m down,

Ignore me when I come around

Cuz Apollo….

Don’t exist.

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