Sunshine And Lollipops

So here's another about heart break, brought to you by me.

Sunshine, lollipops

And rainbows,

Everything that’s wonderful

Is how I feel when we’re together.

I can hear luck laughin’

I used to be optimistic…..

What the fuck happened?

Stuck in this life

Without a buck or a bite

Stuck and I’m like

“What the fuck happened?”

There’s a hole in the dam!

But tell me who’s gonna care?

Not the dudes with affairs

Or this loser who stares

With a full head of hair

Whose stupid and losin’ his cares

Damn, I hate boyfriends,

So here’s another about heart break

Brought to you by me

But often, you see,

I lie through my teeth

And it’s really causing me grief.

Silly us,

Let’s get serious

And I apologise

If you hear me cuss

But really just,

It’s really just

And I’m feeling accustomed

To searing puss.

Black ink for red blood:

I put all the words that burn

And hurt the worst

In verse, I thirst

And give birth to inverse

Quirks with no perks

Either that or

Whatever works.

I’m a non-composed fool,

Falling for women

I know I’m not supposed to.

I'll write it in notes too,

Sitting atop a toadstool

Like all the gnomes do

With thoughts like,

“Don’t let’em control you,

You old fool,

You so lose.”

Now picture that.

Giving 

But not giving back,

Just picture that,

I come spiraling down

Like a ziggurat.

Just picture that,

Bipolar like,

“I’m glad I’m alive

And I wish I were dead”.

But the wishes were spent

On vicious regret

Wishin’ you could

Push in reset.

Black ink for white lies:

See, a vulture

Isn’t supposed

To bag himself a phoenix

So pack your self esteem and

Put it past your feelings

The past is appealing

But it’ll never come again

So instead

I’ll play death

At a game of chess.

Take your bets

And wait for breath

But I’m just a major pest

With no way to vent.

Designed to fail,

I wish I never took a peak

Behind that veil

What I found was Hell.

I’m still trying to define myself,

Maybe it’s best I’m on my own

I’ll still resign to

Welts, blistered feet,

And calloused hands

Make up this callous man

Whose morale is damned.

Imbalanced and

I can admit this,

Hell, I could never

Lie to the audience.

I’m an emotional cripple

Take me in my sleep

Apnea and cough syrup

A lost spirit

Who got lyrics

And robbed purists

Like lost tourists.

So, what’s my aim then?

Who to blame then?

In this play pen

When this pain ends?

Make sense?

I could explain

If you give me a second.

In return, I’ll let you take ten.

Why wait?

Just seal my fate

But careful while doing so,

I just may feint.

I’ve been asked why my poems

Are so depressing.

I responded with a

“Life aint full of

Sunshine, lollipops

And rainbows,

Everything that’s wonderful

Is how I feel when we’re together."

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My Faults

We all have that moment in time were we wonder if we're on the right path.

Pull my hair;

Kick me while I’m down

Ignore me when I come around,

Apollo don’t exist.

Kick dirt in my eyes

And follow with a fist

I swallow all the shit

And bottle all of this

And wear it as cheap cologne.

The seeds were sown

And were fertilized

By this corpse who bleeds alone

Deceit was shown

Towards this sorry sack of flesh

With leaky bones

Who feeds on poems.

The feast was on!

See this vagabond’s

A bag of bones

Teetering

Like he’s way too cool.

Damn it all;

Whether east,

West,

North,

Or south

The broken compass reads,

“Either way you’re screwed”.

So I’m pacin’ in this maze of faces

Chasin’ patience this phase

Of basics, basis base is 
Where I stray and

Face it,

I know defeat,

Right down to how

It tasted.

Taste it

But never drink the Kool-Aid,

Apollo’s never loving them cults

Imperfect,

From my breath to my pulse

See allow me to reveal some of my faults.

I’m narcissistic, pessimistic,

And, really,

Any kind of “istic”

You can think of

Realistic,

A pleading misfit

Left out in the sun to dry

Or at least till I stink up.

A commitaphobe with issues

Of abandonment

I’m shocked

I haven’t panicked yet

Stonefaced like

A mannequin

With no advantages

And cuts with no bandages.

See us poets?

We bleed

For you,

Hang and crucify

Ourselves,

For you,

And I speak

The truth

But really,

There wouldn’t be an “us”

Without a crowd

So what we really need

Is you.

So here, this heart is yours

But these scars are mine

And they’re hard to hide

And I’m mortified

Over analyzing

All my issues,

I labeled them

And called it life.

I go through it

With an empty stomach

And a full bladder

It won’t matter

Till you bite the bullet

And it goes scattered

In the gut

Of the most addled.

But this yellow brick road,

Turned black

With thoughts telling me

To turn back from this cursed path.

Pretending like

I ain’t heard that

Chasing my own tail

With a hurt back and burnt fat.

Left snagged in the web

Of a black widow,

She owned a head wrap

And a swollen abdomen

God looking at me

Like “You just had to win”,

I count to ten and pick up

My ego but it was a counterfeit.

I don’t fit in,

Nah, not in this scene

Spitting it in double time

Like:

Gotta get in where you fit in

But the battle’s hard

Been thinkin’ of quittin’

And I’m battle scarred.

Or maybe I do fit,

Blame it on my

Outcastic nature

My issues are major

Questioning my existence,

I blame the God

That made ya,

I lost that wager.

The pointless person,

Like a lobotomized Batman,

Or a paraplegic Flash

An arachnophobic Spider man,

A Superman that’s afraid of heights

Not made to last.

So I’ll bottle all of this

And swallow all the shit

With dirt in my eyes

Followed by a fist

Pull my hair;

Kick me while I’m down,

Ignore me when I come around

Cuz Apollo….

Don’t exist.

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Lift Off

Sadly based on a true story. Rest in peace, its been 3 years and I still think about you often. 
 

She soared, my God did she fly!

Air under her arms, you shoulda seen her!

On the edge, over the ledge

Escaping a cage that she knew wouldn’t free her.

Believe her, that’s all she ever wanted,

A leader, that’ll never find her calling

The situation’s daunting,

If you’d only seen her, she wouldn’t be falling.

Tall and lanky,

Far from empty,

With a big ol’ heart

And was sorta campy

Sore from ranting,

Constantly picked on

For her height and smarts

Till she was more than antsy.

Gawking awkward,

Ate lunch at her locker

Surrounded by a roster of monsters

We lost her.

Can you believe we lost her?

Sorrows tide came along and washed her.

Imposter monsters

Sucking the venom

Off their own fangs

It’s so strange,

It’s so strange

How some can parade others around with no shame

And getting involved

Ain’t our forte.

It’s profane,

How some can string others along with no shame

And force them to hold pain

 

I’m no saint,

I was never was the spark

But more like the gas that flowed from the propane.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m no saint

I never teased her but I may be guilty of much worse

I showed her kindness

But I used to run the other way like a thief with a stolen purse

Like she wasn’t worth it,

Like it had more of a purpose

If you only heard this, I’m sorry,

You were worth it only I was worthless

Close the curtains; there ain’t nothing a closed door won’t hide

Smiling like it’s so fine, it’s sad when a soul dies

Obsessed with Facebook,

Yet we never noticed her profile.

Stained with pain and pangs of shame

Like if we ignored it, everything will be okay

How we broke her balls like croquet

All the while jabbing needles in her like crochet.

She didn’t jump

So much as we pushed her, led her by the hand,

Head spinning like a twister, God kissed her

Then we collectively changed our statuses to how we missed her.

Sycophantic

I’m sick and frantic,

Quick to panic

Cuz I’ve been there too.

The curse of my mind

Left me flirting with knives

And the serpent it hides,

Yes, I’ve been there too.

What goes up must come down

But what’s down

Can’t come back up

Funny how gravity works.

 

The king of rock bottom,

See, insanity hurts

And sanity’s worse

Watching as the fallacy burst.

There was no way for me to write this

Without sounding preachy

And I’m beyond cheesy

But when I came close to the edge,

I felt like you were there to reach me

There to teach me.

Like “Boy, get off it,

It aint your time for coffins.

The rock and hard place will soften

Regain your confidence,

It ain’t fair you lost it”

But I’m so exhausted.

I won’t lie,

I smile but I’m far from fine

Succumbed to the same issue

That cost her life.

She caught that flight,

We can’t change it now,

Running out of time

I see the clocks in sight.

We miss you now,

Amidst the hounds

I’m sorry

And I hope you found your wishes now.

Forget gravity laws,

You’re with God now.

Shut your eyes and fly,

This time you won’t hit the ground.

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