A Life In Progress

This poem was the hardest to write but alas, I managed to get through it. I was debating on whether or not to post it but my girlfriend is amazing....so I did :).

The wrists scream and the veins obey, since sixteen, I’ve been afraid
Just a thin freak that spends his days in sheets trying to mend his grace
In many ways, these sins I face, will one day get me to Heavens gates
Looking for better days, I’ll enter as a renegade who mitigates
The situation at hand…it’s been a life in progress, a night in coffins
Trying not to let those thoughts in, I fight’em off while wondering where God went
Where God went, I wonder where God went? How long will he be gone?
Gotta focus on my concepts as I’m slowly singing my songs but it all goes wrong
I get the feeling he’s late, watching angels dance on the head of the blade
Reminding me of days when I used to get ostracized by the rest of the grade
Thrown in the brig, forced to live his school days as a troll under the bridge
Control is a bitch, holding the switch flipping it off and on knowing I’m sick
Call the apothecary; I’m forced to write a life where the plot is scary
Plus I piss in a pot I carry, living a life where the plot is scary
A lot’ll vary but at least it beats starring in a film by Tyler Perry
But when bills come, I feel like an easy chick that just dropped her panties
No disrespect to the ladies but it’s half your fault I’m here in the first place
Loneliness was the worst case scenarios of hurt came, why am I here in the first place?
Been told to go to Hell so many times, I smile and respond with a “funny,
At least where I’m going, it’s always sunny and the demons love me
And my stomachs always hungry, no different from Earth my little lovely
But at least, here, these Hell spawn won’t wear masks when trying to take something from me”
Some nights, I swear I could smell my flesh burn, yes sir, living as a blessed cur
Yes sir, and I’m not waking till I learn how this bed works, yearning for Death’s cure
Caught in cautious caution’s conscience gosh its contents got us unhappily smilin’
So we have to be wilin’, wear our masks and be silent, I bask in defiance
As an odd ball waiting for God’s call, I used to have a drive but it got stalled
Hiding my skeletons in my closet with the moth balls, thinking it’s a lost cause
The throat aches and the palms are sweaty; I carried this weight till it got too heavy
I bury the taste with a Gothic medley weary of where my thoughts might get me
Thank God for Hip Hop and comics, both of which were used for escapism
A world where the freak got the girl and I’ve always been a slave to the rhythm
Burning bridges till I had to cross’em and I can’t swim so I drown in my sorrows
Cursed with women and was ostracized for some time cuz of the path I followed
And I wonder why? See, I almost cut life but decided to give it another try
And let the caterpillars in my stomach develop into beautiful butterfliesTweet