The Scale

Diana (Blaze) Hansen said we should write a poem, I agreed and we did. She is yellow like awesome lemons.

Some days I wake up and the wind is strong enough to blow me over.
To seep into my mental stability and cause fragmentation.
My dreams seem so big in this prison, my will so small.
As hard as I wish, the haunted eyes never leave my mirror.
The sick twisted smile of death never stops haunting my dreams.
Death, so beautiful and enticing, dressed to kill.
Breathing in my ear to let go, to drop the sand before the last grains leave my hand.
Trapped in an hour glass, with too many cracks, why shouldn’t I tip the scale?

I tip the scale
And watch it
Shatter and scatter
But sadder I sat her
with big rings
Like Saturn

Under these eyes of mine
Her eyes on fire
Ready to burn a hole
In her X-Man like Cyclops.
But she acts like it don't matter

Little Jean's Gray
But she'll rise like the Phoenix.
Not that I'm insensitive to her feelings,
But two depressed suicidals
Should not be together;

In our dream house
But the paint was peeling.

Some days, I wake up
And think the wind's become a typhoon
And whether it's my time to
Die soon.

Have the wind seep in the cracks
Of my skin
And leave me shattered and scattered
like both my prized pride and mood.

So I run,
I run from her

So I run,
I run from me.

My brain screams,
"Catch your breath, take a second".

My heart yells,
"Shit, take two!"

My lungs say
They cant take no more,
And I feel their rebuke

But shit,
Death's looking attractive
In his cheap suit.

Is loving a ghost better then this infatuation with the past.
Wearing memories across my heart like scars from battle.
I keep telling him to slow down, my mind ain't keeping up with the pace.
All we ever wanted was to be together.
Now holding dreams in our back pockets like extra change,
wanting to turn them into something more then fools gold.
Trapped inside this hourglass, watching them turn to rust,
while time seeps through the cracks bringing me closer to this sin.

See, the thing is,
You can only run from your sins
till you buckle and fold
loveless, alone
in the cold winter snow

In the outskirts of town
Passed out
on the dirt road

Broken,
Like a jagged piece of glass

She says I used her
Like another piece of ass

But that's far from the truth,
I swear to God
I thought I could save her
But it's over
Fade to black

I'm an Aries
Naturally hard headed
And she was a Taurus
Looking back,
All she spoke was bull shit

She was the Beatles
And I was Gang Starr
She was Come Together
And I was Full Clip

I'm stressing
God gave me a blessing
Said "Boy, you take this.
You hide it from the sinners".

And I hid it in plain sight
But lost it
Now all I wanna do
Is survive another winter.Tweet

Garfield and Marmaduke

I felt her stomach,

A little awkward moment passed
Before I asked,

“What am I feeling for here?”.

I jokingly asked her if she was pregnant…

And just then, I could literally read the shame coming off her face.

Growing up,

She used to love reading newspaper comic strips

Preferably, Garfield and Marmaduke.

I remember all the trouble she got in to

Or maybe it was all the trouble she got us through

This goddess who looked me square in the eyes

And told me she was sexually assaulted.

I nearly lost it,

Looking at each other dead in the eyes,

I couldn’t imagine the price that it costed.

Tears welling up in the both of us,

I thought God was supposed to be looking over us

I guess God was too busy looking over us

I guess this black cloud really hung over us.

As a child, she loved reading newspaper comic strips

Especially Garfield and Marmaduke

Now as an adult, she's looking me dead in the eyes

Telling me, “Please don’t tell my mama”,

Bruised.

At the time, I was the only one who knew

Who knew, I’d have to hold up the sky almost overnight?

I still remember when she used to wear her hair in pigtails

And her little over bite.

But today, I’m just a male poet

Trying to write about a pain I’ll never understand

Or fully grasp,

One I’ll never have to worry about

Because I was born a man.

Even now, I don’t know how to properly write

About this girl’s pain

What the Hell do I even say?

That it’s okay?

That Death is already coming to claim

That cold wraith?

But I don’t get angry,

She doesn’t need anger,

Instead, I tell her that she’s brave

And that I’ll be there for her

Every step of the way

And she doesn’t need to feel ashamed.

Now tell me,

What the fuck kind of man needs to resort to rape?

I could say threats

But I’ll save that bravado.

Just know that I made sure that you were just a footnote

As I undid your damage

And helped her fill in her potholes.

But fuck it,

I’m going to threaten anyways,

You better pray to God

Our paths don’t cross Demon

The only reason my brothers and I

Haven’t fucked you up

Is because you’re already dying

And you’re in more pain breathing.

When I was in the 4^th grade,

She was in the 2^nd;

I used to protect her

From her bullies.

But you can’t always be there

For your own

And I’m now learning that

The hard way.

No, I put my anger aside,

Instead, I tried to help her

Correct the mistake that God made.

I’ve been told if you play God,

You’ll get burned in the process

But for her, I’m ready to be left as charred remains.

Just a male artist,

Writing about a pain he’ll never fully grasp

Now I know how God feels

As she documents our pains,

If you ask me,

God’s been given a raw deal.

And humans were never meant to play God

So we sat there,

Both not knowing what to say…

So I silently left the room

And came back with the newspaper

And together,

We read Garfield and Marmaduke.

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Mama Said 2013

This poem is based off of an older one I wrote when I was younger:

After I graduated High school,

My mama asked me what I wanted to be.

I told her, “Mama

I’ve been giving it some thought

And I don’t want to go to no punk ass university.”.

Instead, I’d rather be a Pokemon master

And train hard so I can win matches

And gym badges and in batches

I’ve been catchin’ Pokemon

And arranging them almost as well

As my syntax is.

Be like, “Bulbasaur,

I choose you!”

I mean I’ll use you

But you better not lose dude

And you better listen to my cues too

Better not let Koffing’s ooze spew

Or it’d be hard to tell who’s who.

Have the ladies,

Fuck it,

Guys too yell

“Apollo! Let us ride on your dick!”

But shit, Rhydon’s are made of stone

They’re not made of bone

So they’re not made to bone

Besides, the thought of fucking a Pokemon

Makes me kind of sick.

But hold up, on the surface,

All may seem well in the Kanto region

But let’s dig deep farther.

See they never told you that Ash Ketchum

Was the son of a deadbeat father.

With nothing but a Mr. Mime as a father figure,

His life was hard and severe

Constantly picked on by the douche bag Gary.

He was always in tears

But he conquered his fears

And set out to make his single mom proud

Till the pressure of that led to his eventual depression.

Luckily, he met Brock and Misty,

Two souls almost as fucked up as he is,

And they let nothing get in the way

Of their mission.

Or mama,

Maybe I’ll be the next herald of Galactus

The Silver Surfer.

I’ll surf though space with nothing but my board

No vessels needed, I want to properly feel the stars.

I won’t feel heat, cold

Won’t eat, no

Or sleep, no

The only thing that matters

Is my master gets his next meal

And he eats planets, so you fuckers

Better watch out

And there’s no stopping him

So it’s best to just deal.

And you don’t want none of this,

See, the power cosmic is an awesome force

I wield one of the galaxies greatest tracking systems

In my head so it’s hard for me to get off course

Now imagine if I applied this to goals.

Can rearrange particles
So I can turn anything to gold

Literally, but I won’t.

Cuz see under the surface,

The Surfer’s story deals

With a tyrant being over thrown

By his servant.

My man Norrin Radd planned it

So his exile would save his

Home planet

It was the only way.

He wasn’t at the helm but he sure manned it

Which led to him having to do

What Galactus demanded.

He unwillingly had a hand in countless genocides,

Had two of his lovers die brutally

And had the love of his life

Hook up with his half brother

Behind his back

But he went through all that shit

Fluently.

And vowed to spend the rest of his life

Saving those in need

Every Tom, Dick, and Josephine.

And I quote, “If die I must—

Let it be as I lived

Soaring swift and silent

Striving for the right

No matter the cost

Let my board and me

Again become as one!

For I must leave

This place of madness!”.

To this, my mom shook her head,

Told me I need to grow up.

In her tone,

I could hear the sadness.

So once more,

Let my board and me

Again become as one….

See, Apollo the Child

Needs to leave this place of madness.

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Dont Tell My Mama

Growing up, my mama was hard headed as fuck
She made sure we didn’t get too big for our britches

And, shit, she was always efficient when she was cooking up dishes

Up in our kitchen and oil sizzlin’ like damn,

I looooooove this lady

Even when she got angry

Cuz see she handled all the discipline

Listenin’ when we needed it

Hugs when we were feeling sick

Teaching us how to think like,

“Fuck the Joneses, you keep up with your own appearances

You hearing it?”

But she didn’t really say “fuck” though

I’m using my own words here so

Pleeeeeeease don’t tell my mama I cussed

I give her all of my love

And she’s tolerant of

All the bullshit we put her through

So I’ll happily give her all of my love

I once said in a former poem

That nothing was really perfect except for God and my ma

And I stand by that

But see she’s barely falling for stuff

Always calling my bluff

When I try to lie my way out of fucking trouble

But seriously though,

Don’t tell her I cussed!

You get beats like that

And I ain’t down for that

But you guys still think I’m cool right?

Shiiiit, I swear I don’t swear much

Back to the poem though,

So scared I caught the Holy Ghost

If only follies mold me though

My mama be my goalie though

Protecting my best interests with a MENSA frame of mind

But she’s a little bit illiterate,

I often wonder of the benefits

She could’ve reaped but it says nothing of her intelligence

And when the winter hit,

She made sure we were warm,

Man she even learned how to drive so we wouldn’t have to walk to school

She calls me her fool, where do you think Apollo gets the Child from?

But when it comes to regrets, it pools

My mama’s too good for me to break her heart

And lately it’s been happening often

For leaving school and pursuing art

She says I should approach my future with some caution

I tell her “Mama, empires where never created using safety nets”

And she says “Son, even Sun Tzu had a backup plan

And it’s that kinda safety that safely gets

Men home from the battlefield”

And shit, she’s kinda right.

See my mama is hard headed as fuck

Gave birth to seven crazy kids

And showed us all equal amounts of love

Maaaaaan, I love this lady

And to my mama

I promise I’ll make you proud

Whenever I hit the pavement with my creations

Creating amazement in the faces of anyone who’ll listen

Shit, I ain’t a rockstar but I like to think I’m the next best thing

And when her nest gets messy,

She’ll put us to work, ain’t no way in Hell

You’re gonna sit on your ass best not get testy

And see, she puts both “A’s” in amazing

Unfazing, will go to Hell and back living brazen

But never dangerous, Soad Hamdan,

Thank you for the life, love, and patience

My mama is hard headed as fuck

But to me, she’s planet Earth and all the stars above

Maaaaan I love this lady

But whatever you fucking do

Do not.

Tell her.

I cussed!  

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Hands Waving

"You couldn’t save me
If you tried

Hands waving

Goodbye

You can see it
In my eyes
Cuz I ain’t afraid

To die."

I wrote that at the snot nosed

Age of seventeen

And see

A lot has changed since then.

I’m older now,

Kinda have a beard now

Some fear now

And kind of a weird style

But listen

I’ve learned that it’s far from macho

To not fear death,

In fact,

You’re foolish if you don’t.

You can see it in the eyes

Of the little kids in ruined homes

As they lose hope

Being choked

With bruised throats

So tell me you don’t fear death

Mr. Big Machismo

Tell it to the kid on chemo

Even people

Who’re living heroes

Fear death.

I saw it in my pop’s eyes

The day his mom passed,

Yes,

The impact stressed

His fear of mortality

Even after months had left

Punk, I guess

You’ll see it in our own eyes

Three years from now

On those nights

When the fear is the only reason you survive.

So don’t look to death

Look alive

You don’t look impressed

Look at life

If you’re not convinced

Look at mine

Look at ours

What we faced

For eleven hundred days.

Let’s call it fate,

Let’s call it whatever, whenever

To hang up in its face.

Let’s leave that call waiting

Cuz you’ve yet to find your calling

And when you finally do

It’s gonna be amazing

So put your chips all in

And fuck trying to be that

Hollywood dude.

You do more good

Staying low key

But the high note

In the lives of those you meet.

And foes will speak

But don’t let those quotes make you weak

Fuel to the fire

Make your flow unique

Soul of a lion

Like it’s supposed to be

Get it Mr. Big Machismo?

Now you know what I know

What we know

That even people who’re living evil

Fear death.

See this poem is what

I’d tell you

If I could

If I had that chance.

The seventeen year old snot nose

Writing bars, ignorant

Of life and death

But pretends like he understands.

I used to think I knew it all,

Hell, I still think I do

I always was hard headed

But never weak hearted

To the seventeen year olds now,

Life will get you down

If you let it.

But stay strong,

Stay vigilant

No matter the twists and turns

Hits or burns, gifts or curse.

Just stay strong,

Stay vigilant

Mourn death

But celebrate life.

Stay strong,

Stay vigilant

The last thing

To die is hope.

As for me,

I can’t change my past

However,

I can update the lines I wrote:

Like "We can save each other

If we tried

Hands waving

Goodbye

You can see it

In my eyes,

Apollo the Child

Is afraid to die."

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